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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
Oct 9, 1998
BURT REYNOLDS BANKRUPTCY
A bankruptcy judge approved a reorganization plan that allows Burt to keep his home
and personal property. He filed for bankruptcy claiming $10 Million in debt.
TEEN SMOKING UP
The CDC says that teen smoking has jumped 73% since 1988. The increase in teen
smoking is blamed on ads like Joe Camel. The CDC says that the increase is due to
giveaways and 'kid friendly' promotions by the cigarette companies.
NO FAIRY TALE HERE
The French AIDS prevention agency has pulled prevention ads after protests from
Disney. The company was upset at the explicit ads that showed Snow White and Cinderella in
various positions with the message so your "love story will remain a fairy
tale".
THE BOSS' BOX SET
Bruce Springsteen fans will get a full dose of his music with the release of
"Tracks" November 10th. It has 66 songs on it, 56 of which are new to those who
haven't heard the tunes on bootleg albums.
MONICA'S BOOK DEAL
Monica Lewinsky will be telling all it seems. She's now in negotiations with Rupert
Murdoch's News Corporation on a multimedia deal including a book and television
appearances worth $3 Million.
THE PRESIDENT'S LIST (******A Submission******)
* What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
Scent o' Monica.
* Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
The Spread Eagle.
* How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
None, they're too busy
screwing the President.
* What was Clinton's favorite toy as a child?
An Erector Set.
* What is Clinton's favorite card game?
Poker.
* What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.
* How did they finally bust Clinton?
Monica finally coughed
up the evidence.
* What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
President-erect.
* What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton Whitehouse have in
common?
Two Dicks out of
control.
* What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Hilary?
"My little
buttercup."
* What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica?
"My little suction
cup."
* Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
She's
endorsing the "Big Gulp."
* Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore
drilling.
* Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza
Strip is a topless bar.
* Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House pool?
He is trolling for
interns.
* What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
Unibanger.
* How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching"
Monica's
testimony?
"It wasn't words
that I put in her mouth!"
* Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The nation.
* What is the difference between George Washington, Richard
Nixon, and
Bill Clinton?
Washington couldn't
tell a lie, Nixon couldn't
tell the truth,
and Clinton doesn't know the difference.
* What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
A dead girlfriend and
an ex-wife.
* Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
It's called the
Pervertible...the top goes up
and the intern
goes down
* Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her
to lie in THAT there position!"
* Bill Clinton accused Monica of not following the party line...He
says she only paid lip service to it.
* Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense. The new line
is..."If she spit, you must acquit!"
* Mr. Clinton paid an unscheduled visit to a US Women's Luge
Team practice, just before the team left for Nagano, Japan,
shortly after hearing that they were already lying on their backs.
* The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone
threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it
was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
* Hillary just hired a new White House intern ... LORENNA
BOBBIT!
* Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX. Bill worries
about getting SEX from AIDES!
* The president got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused
when she walked past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay.
Good. Now here's your bone."
* Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village.....To Satisfy My
Husband"
* Monica and Bill are in the oval office. Bill says, "Hey
Monica...let's play 'Hide The Sausage'!" Monica says,
"Why...you always hide it in the same damn place?"
* To his credit, Clinton is now defending Monica Lewinsky, saying
she was no different from any other White House intern. He said, "She
takes my pants off one leg at a time, just like everyone else."
* Bill Clinton is jogging around and tells a Secret Service man,
"I can't wait to get back to the White House so I can rip
Monica's panties off!" The serviceman replies, "Aren't you a bit frisky
sir? Bill says, "Nah..they're just riding up my crack!"
* One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales
start with 'Once upon a time'"? Bill answered, "No, some start
with, 'After I'm elected. . ."
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