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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
Oct 15, 1998
INSUFFUCIENT FUNDS
Liz Seymour was a little upset when she came home from vacation only to receive a
demand for payment on a loan from TSB Bank in England. The amount ? 121 Billions Pounds,
That's 206 Billion dollars, more than a third of Britain's National debt.
OVER SUFFICIENT FUNDS
The welfare check was supposed to be for $54. The computer spit one out for
$28,000 ! The woman who received it went on a spending spree buying a Toyota and furniture
among other things. She's promised to pay it back. (What $54 a week?)
SHE'S HOT, HORNY, WEIGHS SEVERAL TONS AND IS PISSED !
Authorities in Cambodia are desperately searching for male elephants. It seems
there aren't enough to go around, due to poaching, and the females get upset even violent
with the males to qualm those mating desires, so look for the government to start
importing the big guys from Laos.
CONYERS, GEORGIA READY FOR A VISIT
100,000 people are expected to show up to receive messages from the Virgin Mary.
Nancy Fowler says she receives private messages from Mary all the time and promises to
pass them along to the faithful again this year, Last year 30,000 people showed up.
VIAGRA UPDATE
The Vatican has decided NOT to stock the impotency pill in their pharmacy, though
they say it would not be immoral for a married couple to use it, if needed.
A JOKE:
"3 Blondes on an Island"
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly
fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired
woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is
turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the
island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.
The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge!
A LEWINSKY POEM
Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Especially Al Gore.
The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.
When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.
Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There's a special report,
And it's pre-empting M*A*S*H!
And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil' troll,
With tapes for us to hear.
With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy 'do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.
On the chair! On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest.
The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba had gotten a hummer.
And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she'd just kept her mouth shut,
We'd not have all this trouble.
And thus set in motion,
A whole web o' spiders,
With pundits galore,
And White House insiders.
You ask, "Who would care
About Bill and his penis?"
Republican Ken Starr,
And he's armed with subpoenas!
More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
"Here's one for you!
And for you! And you, too!"
"Now Jordan! Now Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let's subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!"
"We want you to tell us
About Bill's private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
'cept, of course, his wife."
And many months later,
After long we've all suffered,
Let's examine more closely
Just what Starr's uncovered.
We've learned "Little Bill"
Has a mind of his own,
And - horror of horrors -
He likes to get blown!
A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don't care
Just who Clinton (er, makes love to).
The economy's great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!
Now the public's grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To "E.R.", and to "Friends."
Now Monica, Linda-
And Ken Starr, you suck -
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.
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