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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
November 24, 1998
MUTINY AT SEA
The crew of a rowing boat jumped ship in Cape Verde. The group was going for a
world record rowing the Atlantic, but after a series of mishaps the 16 man, 2 woman crew
mutinied against the Captain of the boat, Roy Finlay and have left him to find another
crew to make the attempt.
WANTED: REAL SANTAS
Stores in Britain are apparently suffering from a shortage of genuinely cherubic
Santas. It seems that too many of the Santa wannabees this year are, well, thin. Plump,
portly and chubby preferred should read the ads.
CALL 1-900-EXPENSIVE
An Australian man has been ordered to pay over $1600 in phone bills after he broke
into a neighbors home on several occasions while the neighbor was away and used the phone
to call a phone sex line. His phone could only accept incoming calls because of a previous
high bill on his line.
WHAT A TURKEY
Every year Joseph DeCanio gave turkeys to union members. They were free to
memebers, but not to the union. The union leader plead guilty to taking $50,000 from the
union by putting in bills for reimbursement to the union for the cost of the turkeys.
That's fine, only problem the bills were inflated by 20 cents per pound over what he
actually paid for them.
HULK HOGAN RETIRING?
The Hulkster is expected to announce his retirement from the wrestling world
Thursday night on Leno's show. Is a Presidential run in the works ? He said he was way
more popular than Jesse the Body Ventura after he won Minnesota's Governership.
RODMAN/ELECTRA SPLIT
Dennis Rodman has filed annulment papers on his nine day old Las Vegas marriage to
Carmen Electra.
KISS THIS !
The members of Kiss got upset at some fans who were shining laser pointers at
them while on stage in Rutherford New Jersey going as far as challenging the offending
party to a fight on stage. No takers.
HOW TO COOK YOUR TURKEY
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 oven
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
GIVE THANKS
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings, thank
you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as
possible, thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising, thank you Lord,
that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost,
toast is burned, tempers are short, my children are so loud , thank
you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in
magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank you, Lord, for
the food we have. There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job is often monotonous, thank you,
Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my
circumstances were not so modest, thank you, Lord, for life.
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