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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
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3/11-3/13/99
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WISH YOU WERE HERE ! REALLY !!
A british man proved to be able to elicit smiles even after his passing. The man had
postcards delivered after his death to hundreds of friends and associates. All had the
return address "Heavenly Heights" and were adorned with angels and personal
messages reminding friends of the good times they'd shared. The cards also had some other
interesting messages: "I told you I was ill"...The creamated man sent another to
a friend that said: "the undertaker forgot to put a fire extinguisher in the
coffin." Mr. Johnny Morgan's ashes will be shot to sea on a rocket at the end of
March.
BATTLE OF THE FURBY'S
Japan's Tomy Company will market a Japanese speaking version of the highly successful,
FURBY for the Japanese market soon !
PANDA LOVE..Need Viagra?
Well not quite....San Diego zookeepers are disappointed that their middle aged male panda
won't give in to the charms of an amourous female. She's been giving alll of the right
moves but the male doesn't have any interest which isn't sitting well with the female. To
the point that she's snapping at him in her frustration. Now the zookeepers will have to
wait until next year and the mating season.
WE CAN STILL GET IT UP!
Two Japanese former cabinet ministers are suing a magazine for publishing a story that
said they were taking Viagra. The 72 and 67 government officials are demanding an apology
from the magazine's publisher saying that they never have taken the anti-impotency
medication.
WILD HORNY TURKEY!
The wild turkey's of California's Rancho San Antonio wilderness area are becoming a
nuisance, so much so that rangers are having to warn hikers of the hazards of sharing the
wilderness with the hormonal birds, which have gotten extremely aggressive during the
current mating season.
IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Q: Whitcomb Judson is credited with this invention, used by both men and women, usually
daily. (even though his malfunctioned leading to an embarrassing situation. What is it?
A: A zipper
IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Q: I'm 217 miles long, deeper than a swimming pool and millions look at me every year...Oh
yeah I'm wet in the middle ~
A: Grand Canyon ~
WORDS THAT DON'T EXIST BUT SHOULD:
1. Accordionated, adj. Being able to drive and fold a road map at the
same time.
2. Aquadextrous, adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet
on and off with your toes.
3. Burgacide, n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls
itself through the grill into the coals.
4. Carpetuation, n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or
a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,
examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more
chance.
5. Disconfect, v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the
floor by blowing on it, assuming this will remove all the germs.
6. Ecnalubma, n. A rescue vehicle that can be seen only in the rear-view
mirror.
7. Elbonics, n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in
a movie theater.
8. Elecelleration, n. The belief that more you press an elevator button
the faster it will arrive.
9. Frust, n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
10. Lactomangulation, n. Manhandling the ''open here" spout on a milk
container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.
11. Neonphancy, n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to
life.
12. Peppier, n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose
seems to
be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
13. Phonesia, n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting
whom you were calling just as they answer.
14. Pupkus, n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses
its
nose to it.
15. Telecrastination, n. The act of always letting the phone ring at
least
twice before you pick it up, even when you're six inches away.
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