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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
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3/8/-3/9/99
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AND IT REMOVES STAINS TOO !
They couldn't resist! The makers of Vanish stain remover just had to buy some air time on the British show where Monica Lewinsky gave her first British interview on her affair with President Clinton. When asked what she'd do with the blue dress if she got it back, she said: "I'd burn it!".

JUST SAY NO !
A man in Singapore was sentenced to just under 6 months in jail for his addiction. Odiferous shoes. The man couldn't help himself and had to steal smelly shoes because he was addicted to the odor, according to Singapore authorities. He didn't steal the shoes to sell but instead it was out of ``burning desire, akin to that of a drug addict, to sniff used pairs of shoes,'' according to a police spokesperson.

MEXICAN'S LOVE A SEX SCANDAL TOO!
The Mexican media and public are absolutely giddy after a high judge and public ministry agent were "alledgedly caught" having sex in a car. Judge Enrique Sanchez Sandoval of the Superior Tribunal of Justice and Public Ministry agent Dora Patricia Fragaso Solis supposedly threatened officers who arrested the couple.

CUTTIN' AND SLICIN' ON LINE !
Comedian John Byner will be the first ON LINE celebrity to undergo plastic surgery, a facelift to be exact ! Want to watch the facial dissection for yourself? You can right here: http://www.celebritydoctor.com Monday 3/8/99 11am EST here's what you have to look forward to:
1. Face Lift - a tightening of the skin and muscles of the face and neck.
2. Fat Grafting - to the face - a replacement of the fat lost in the aging
process in the checks, cheekbones, nasolabial folds and chin area.
3. Lower Blepharoplasty - a removal of the fat pouches unders the eyes.
4. Forehead Lift - A lifting of the eyebrows and improvement
of the wrinkles between the brows and of the forehead.
5. Corner Mouth Lift - A turning up of the corners of the
mouth in someone who has aged and acquired a downward tilt of the corners
of the mouth making the look unhappy.

QUESTION: What can you measure that has no width, length or height ? ANSWER: Temperature

AND SPICE BABY MAKES THREE !
Spice Girl Victoria Adams gave birth to a baby boy named Brooklyn Joseph Thursday, the father, soccer star David Beckham, said.

GOLF JOKES!
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for
the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the
third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest
of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful
we're still on the right side of the grass!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into
a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment
into the ravine -- in search of his lost ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he
spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny
object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old
golf ball.

Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Bob, come here, I
got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's
the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7 iron! You can't get
out of here with an 8 iron."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although not condoned, it was well known that sometimes people would
"sneak-away" for a game of golf during the day. I had forgotten which
course my friend Dan said to meet him on and called, only to have his
secretary said, "I'm sorry he's away from his desk right now."

Knowing she'd never admit where he really was, I asked, "Tell me, is he
10 miles way from his desk or 22 miles away ?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RULES TO HELP MEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN
Hear our parody on this? Listen here:  http://audiopros.com/msshebon.ram

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If you've managed to lift it up,
gravity is on your side when it comes to putting it back down.

2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about having sex.

3. "I ate it, didn't I?" is not considered praise.

4. Your responsibility for raising children does NOT end at conception.

5. Get rid of your comb-over. It's not different -- it's just as
ridiculous as every other comb over. You're losing your hair -- face it.

6. An order of takeout ribs and a Chris Farley movie is not everybody's
idea of a good time.

7. "Yeah, yeah, you look fine," is not a compliment.

8. Yes, I DO tell my best friend everything.

9. You have enough ballcaps.

10. You have way too many t-shirts.

11. You're too old to wear a goatee.

12. Every actor we find attractive is not gay. You can stop using this
one - - we've all heard it.

13. A hug is not always a prelude to sex.

14. When we ask "Are you listening," we already know you're not.

15. Your best friend is an idiot.

16. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store.

17. If you can rebuild the carburetor on a '66 Mustang, working the
washing machine should be a snap.

18. Yes and no are sometimes acceptable answers -- grunts and blank
stares are not.

19. A sore back that prevents you from doing household chores for 17
months is a problem. See a doctor.

20. Underwear is like a car. After five years, it needs to be replaced
with a newer model.

21. A romantic weekend getaway does not involve baiting a hook.

22. Slapping us on the butt and saying, "How bout getting me a cold one"
is not foreplay.

23. The missionary position is best left to missionaries.

24. Rolling over and mumbling, "I've got to get some sleep" does not
produce an afterglow.

25. If it was really good for me...you wouldn't have to ask.

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