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11/04/2001
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Featured Friend: The Daily Probe
"Because Real News Sucks"
http://dailyprobe.com
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THE BOX OFFICE
November 4 The HOT Movies and what they made

1)  Monsters Inc.
$63,484,000 
2) The One
$20,000,000 
3)  Domestic Disturbance
$14,500,000 
4)  K-PAX
$10,700,000 
5)  Thirteen Ghosts
$7,960,000 
6)  Riding in Cars with Boys
$4,500,000 
7)  From Hell
$3,715,000 
8)  Training Day
$3,150,000 
0_  Bandits
$3,002,000 
10) Serendipity
$2,500,000 

STONES ON THE ROAD AGAIN?
Maybe, the aging rockers are in discussions to go on the road in 2002 for
their 40th anniversary tour.Jagger is preparing to release his fourth
solo album, ''Goddess in the Doorway'' in the United States on Nov. 20.
Stones guitarist Ron Wood will also release another solo album next
month, and Keith Richards is working on material for the Stones while Ron
Wood is touring Japan with his jazz band.

MICHAEL JACKSON'S CENSORED CD COVER
Uril Gellar of spoon bending fame designed the cover to Jackson's
"Invincible" CD. He now says SONY removed words and images from
his original design. Sony Music has taken out the words ``God,''
``Jerusalem,'' ``USA'' and ''Angel 2000'' and had replaced a Star of
David with a pentagram. SONY has no comment on why they removed the
images and words.

MICHAEL JACKSON NOT ON ABC "UNITED WE STAND" CONCERT
ABC had been promoting Jackson's performance on the benefit show. But
Jackson's people called ABC and ask that they pull his performances from
the show. Why? Because CBS is promoting a Michael Jaskon 30th Anniversary
Special and didn't want ABC gaining from their investment.

DVD VIRUS ALERT
The first known case of a virus being spread by DVD involves some cartoon
characters. The malicious program sad been inadvertently included on a
recently released disk featuring the cute crime-fighting trio known as
the Powerpuff Girls. Warner Brothers has now recalled all versions of the
DVD bearing the Meet the Beat Alls episode of the popular cartoon series.

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Search for hardware and software for YOUR home
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All here.
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WILL SMITH CONVERTING?
MSNBC.com is reporting that Smith is flirting with the idea of converting
to Islam. Smith became interested in Islam while studying for his part
playing Muhamed Ali in his upcoming film.

BRITNEY SAID A BAD WORD, MOM
Parents are being warned that Britney Spears new CD has some mild
profanity. 'When I say "hell" and "damn", I say it
out of frustration,'  'It's not, like, a normal term of endearment
that I use all the time.'
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Be a hero to your sales
dept. AudioPros.com can produce this
jingle for a burger restaurant in your market. Doo wop businesses would
be especially appropriate. Listen below:
http://AudioPros.com/audio/woknroll.mp3
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MADONNA UNAUTHORIZED
Andrew Morton who makes a living writing unwanted books about celebrities
has one out on Madonna. And like his last books on Princess Diana and
Monic Lewinsky he's dishing dirt on former lovers and portrays Madonna as
an insecure manipulator so ravenous for affection that she scared off
some boyfriends, cheated on most of them and made a lot of foolish
choices, according to excerpts in next week's People magazine

NEW McCARTNEY CHARITY RELEASE
Paul McCartney is releasing "Freedom"  in Britain next
week and in the United States either then or the following week. Sir Paul
performed it during the October NY Benefit concert he arranged October
20th, and has been besieged by fans wanting to know when and where they
could buy it.

EDIBLE MODELS
There they were beautiful models walking down the catwalk decked out in
fashion's finest CHOCOLATE outfits. The Paris show featured bikinis,
stunning evening dresses, tailored suits, glamorous ensembles and
cowboy-style chaps made of dark, milk and white chocolate.
Salon du Chocolat is an annual event celebrating the Cocoa bean and the
French passion for food and fashion. 100,000 showed up for the four day
event.

SMELL CELL PHONE
A German inventor has applied for a patent for a cell phone that smells
when you get a call. Presumably you could set the phone's preferences to
generate different smells for different callers.

POOCH UNDERWEAR
In Arezzo, Italy the town is handing out plastic underpants for the
town's canines in an effort to keep the streets clean. Those who don't
use the doggie diapers face heavy fines.

BRAD PITT ON FRIENDS
Pitt will make a guest appearance on the show this month dressed in a
"fat suit". He'll play a former classmate of Monica and the
only person larger than her in high school.

COULDN'T SHE SEE THIS COMING
Miss Cleo the TV psychic has been accused of over 100 violations of New
York's DO NOT CALL law and is facing fines of $250,000. She just settled
a similar case with Missouri.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Q: Girls in Norfolk, Virginia are forbidden from dancing in public unless
wearing what ?
A: A Corset

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION:
Q: It's illegal in San Francisco to enter a bar on what ?
A:  A horse

THE FIVE IN TEN BRAIN GAME or THE UM GAME !
In Ten seconds name Five cartoon characters:
Fred Flinstone, Barney Rubble, Bam Bam, Bugs Bunny, Tweety, Sylvester,
Rocky, Bullwinkle, Natasha, Boris
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Movie Previews-Reviews..Links to great prep material..Broadcasting
Industry news..Sports..This date in history
http://AudioPros.com/prepcenter.htm
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Subject: Bears
 
The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,

hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the

alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone areas.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little
bells, on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.
They
also advise you to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a

bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.
 
People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and

grizzly bear droppings.
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain
berries and possibly squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.
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Jokes..Jokes..Jokes
http://audiopros.com/AudioProsJokesPage.htm
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A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all
hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the
customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, -
"You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first
time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
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Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.

"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which
marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's
head who wears Bounty on his head."
— Jay Leno

"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his
birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is
married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her
name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out.
Apparently they are living in separate caves."
— David Letterman

"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think
that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite
photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard."
— David Letterman

"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food
we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of
Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail."
— Jay Leno

"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're
finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country,
and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some
possible name changes the government has been mulling over:
Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan,
Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan."
— Jay Leno

"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding
Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too?
Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo."
— Jay Leno

"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin
Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that
bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters.
You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life
crisis."
— Jay Leno

"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban
feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is
like to feel like a woman in their country."
— Jay Leno
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Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you
want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
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Secret tips for making a marriage last... (get out the rim
shot)
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last...
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good

food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread
maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down !"
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the
carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me "In the
lake."
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost
weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off...
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"