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TONIGHT ON NINE NUDES…ER NEWS
Viewers of the news in Russia are getting an eyeful if Svetlana Pissotskaya delivers the "news", with a slow strip tease throughout the duration of the newscast. Isn’t capitalism great ! Wait a minute we don’t have this in America !

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY
An Austrian clothing chain is offering shoppers ($385) worth of free clothes if the customer enters the store completely naked. Only the first five "shoppers" in the buff will receive the benefits of their bravery at Kleider Bauer.

SPIELBERG WON’T DIRECT POTTER BOOKS
The master director has announce that he won’t direct the first installment of a feature franchise based on the hugely popular ``Harry Potter'' children's books.

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HE’S HUGE
Letterman’s return to the Late show doubled ratings received by Leno’s Tonight Show after the talk show host’s return to late night television, albeit occasional return. Regis Philbin and Bill Cosby fill in while Dave recovers from quintuple by-pass surgery.

FROM THE "SAY IT AIN’T SO DEPT."
Hasbro will now bring to the market a GI JOE figure based on John F Kennedy. I will sell for $30-$35 and there is one redeeming value: Hasbro will pay an undisclosed royalty to the non-profit John F. Kennedy Library Foundation in Boston.

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WILL SMITH IS ALI
The Fresh Prince has signed on to do the Bio-Pic of Muhammed "The Greatest". He now has great company in directo Michael Mann (The Insider) know for turning out great scripts and flicks.

MR CLEAN SPEAKS
Folks who have always wanted to speak to the Bald cleaning guy have an opportunity to chat with His Cleanliness by logging on to http://mrclean.com. He even speaks directly to visitors. Here’s some of the phrases visitors thought the Cleanmeister should first speak: ``Bald is beautiful'', ``You should see Mrs. Clean'' and ``The name is Clean, Mr. Clean.'' He’s been their spokesman for 40 years and hasn’t spoken until this moment.

STRAWBERRY FLUNKS
Darryl Strawberry of the New York Yankees has been ordered off the field after he tested positive for cocaine again. The often sanctioned Major Leaguer could be suspended from baseball yet again

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I MADE A MISTAKE…DUH ?
Darva Conger now tells us her snap marriage to Rick Rockwell on Who Wants TO Marry A Multi-Millionaire was a mistake. Noooooooo ? Couldn’t be……Spare us the tears etc. She says she’s a Christian woman who made an error in judgement. Took her 38 Million viewers and a dis-ingenuine show to figure that out, eh?…Please

WHEW ! CHAOS COULD HAVE ENSUED
Panty tossing is allowed, it’s official. Gretna, Louisiana residents breathed a collective sigh of relief after their city council legalized panty tossing. "So we're pro-panties -- it's on the record," Gretna City Councilman Vincent Cox joked after the 4-0 vote Monday night. Mardi Gras celebrations are now safe for all, though "inflatable paraphenalia" will not be allowed.

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