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As seen in the 7/6/98 RadioInk !
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4/5-4/9
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Personalities' get your own web page:
SIMBA'S PRIDE?
You thought NATO and Yugoslavia were bad. Ethiopian wildlife officials are reporting that
an on going feud between a pride of lions and a pack of hyenas has claimed SIX lions and
THIRTY hyenas in a week of the most ferocious battles ever seen between the two species.
TARGET STAMPS!
Yugoslavia has released a new postage stamp sure to be a collectors item. It's a black and
white target which has come to symbolize Yugoslav resistance to the NATO airstikes. Two
other sets of stamps are being developed.
DON'T EAT THE CHERRY....trees!
A busy Beaver has park officials tense after chewing through four cherry trees and five
white cedars in his effort to live up to his heritage. Washington DC officials are not
amused as the trees are a National symbol and many people visit the parks to see the
blossoms this time of year. Only problem is that the park is so large they're having
trouble locating the busy rodent!
IT'S OFFICIAL: THE KILLERS ARE IN L.A.
Killer bees have "officially" landed in Los Angeles. That after a swarm was
discovered in Palmdale, California, making it official that the last bastion of hope in
Southern California had become infested with the extremely aggressive insects. Los Angeles
county has now been officially declared Killer Bee Country.
TAKEN THE ZIP OUT OF ZIPPY?
A Vasectomy reserval clinic is willing to offer a warrenty on their procedure by offering
a $6000 credit toward alternate fertility methods if their reversal procedure fails to
produce a child. Cost of the reversal? $10,000+.
SMILE !
Two bank robbers had a little problem with their getaway. They crashed into a Hollywood
Film Set while fleeing the scene of the crime in Calgary Canada. The robbers plowed into a
police van on the set after turning onto a residential street. No chases were in the
script of the film :}....
UMMM KUDZU!
Kudzu is a vine that grows very fast and was used to hold up embankments especially in
Florida. Now officials are considering bring in SHEEP to clear out the weeds which have
replaced many native plants. The low tech solution would cost much less than the projected
hundreds of thousands to remove the plants by other means.
A JOKE:
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the
station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours
ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his
wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and
started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up
and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug
store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a
splitting headache."
>
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark
room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said
the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer
Fenwick, right?"
>
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
>
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire
Chief?"
THE AMERICAN DREAM
Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in
Japan),
for 600 A.M. While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts
his
blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor
(made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his
designer
jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea).
After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (madein
Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in
Mexico),
how much he can spend today.
After setting his watch (made in Switzerland), to the radio (made in Hong
Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany), goes looking as he
has
been for months, for a good paying American job.
After the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to
relax
for a while. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself
a glass
of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan), and ponders
again why he can't find a good paying American job.
DR SUESS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS!
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the mem'ry makes
your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is
corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is
connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on
another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the
hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so
your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well
reboot it and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, your
system's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash
your memory and try to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be
sure to call your mom.
TOP OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES
Musical Walkers
Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
Hide and Go Pee
Simon Says Something Incoherent
Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
Sag, You're It!
Kick the Bucket
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